oh sweet jesus, the pain...

Have you ever been so tired that your eyes burn? The lightbulbs and bleached rays of the sun pour in through window shades and stab my eyes with lemon doused razors. I close my eyelids and smile with the soothing pull of the depths of sleep... just a small continuation... thirty minutes perhaps... just laying in bed a few moments longer.
But... I can't. I have to get up and start getting ready for work. So I open my eyes again and the fires of hell start to scrape across my retina. Sleep is a thing of the past my friend. The only thing that can get you through the day are shots of caffeine, caffeine pills, the occasional bite to eat, and nodding off in the car for ten minutes in the warm afternoon sun. Deep breaths, take it all in stride and just make it through another day.
So, the plan is shower, get dressed, take care of the dog, make lunch, drive to work... then that fuzzy period of time for eight hours... then after work when I will open up my house to hordes of extras for a party scene that will take 2 to 3 days to film. Did I mention that I'm just acting? Apparently I've been given a producing credit on this film too. That's a bonus... I've kind of done the Indie Film thing before, so I'm willing to help every bit along the way.
I got home from filming around 1:30 AM this morning. I felt great. I love acting. I would have stayed up until 4 or 5AM filming these scenes if I could. Unfortunately I have to get up at 8 to go to that "job" thing. It's a rough gig... all of this energy spent, thrown around in various directions simultaneously, then no replentishing sleep to keep the days on end going.
One might think that Saturday an exhausted aged "young" man might be able to sleep in an catch up or at least repair from all of the physical and mental strain that's taken place. No. I've got to get up early for a casting call... followed by a production meeting... followed by God knows what (but I would like to catch Episode III sometime Saturday). I'm either going to start drinking heavily or doing speed. At this point it seems like the only feasible answer. Anyone know where I can get some Benzedrine? That worked for Kerouac. Coffee just doesn't have a firm enough kick anymore... plus is makes the bowels rancid swirls of gurgles and pain. Did they stop making Benzedrine in the 50s? Or mescaline... hell I could use a good Brain Wipe. I haven't been able to remember what the hell has happened for the last 3 weeks anyway. Insomnia and sleep deprivation will do terrible things... or is it the constant strain of roots, pills, power drinks, and other shit that I cram down my throat to keep me moving that has made this an ethereal trip? God knows... but I will tell you that I can look at a lightbulb and hear it. It's amazing what you can focus on or drown out when you're this tired. I could probably solve the Cold Fusion equation if I could stay focused long enough. Ah, I'll just keep acting for a while. Good night, johnboy...