there has to be another way...

Okay, a few weeks ago somewhere in LaLaWood California, a marketing schlub scraped away the midnight hours in a dark little room filled with RedBull, Doughnuts, Frito Lay products, highlighters, a lap top, and the hope that he could find a new idea to get people to go to movies. "We've got to stop this theater slump... we've got to somehow convince people to go to these big summer blockbuster movies like they did back in 1989," they thought to themself (or screamed out loud in painfully frustrating agony). The carpet was worn thin from hours of pacing wall to wall... the air crackled with static electricity and caffeine overdosed shaky surges threatened to tear the room apart with one final blast of frustrated fury. The marketing idea-person started to sweat bullets... an entire 6 hours had been burned without a single good idea (or at least that didn't include Taco Bell). The ideas had made "him" great. The ideas propelled new celebrity into realms previously unknown. His father had done if for Chuck Norris in the 80s. The current task at hand was supposed to be fairly simple. This STAR had already been established by years of over acting. Suddenly, the spark started to ignite a maniacal fire inside the crammed confines of his skull. The celebrity magazines strewn out across the floor and table of the tiny "Think Tank" began to take form. There, stretched out from cover to cover was that perfect smile... the smile that took a year of braces to form an even more sparkling perfection for those close up covers of celebrity magazine.
The pitch-man thought aloud, "Let's put these two together and throw every bit of their little love trainwreck on television and magazines... let's saturate every bit of the human senses with their smiles and crazy love soaked eyes... take away the sunglasses... put them in 'everyday' apparel so that the masses will connect with something simple and 'normal'... but still keep them tied to that celebrity sparkle. They have to be constantly adored by the screaming, senseless public. Get every detail of their celebrity love-fest leaked to the press, so that they'll chum the frenzied waters with this shit! People will eat it alive! We'll put it on talk shows... Letterman... Oprah... maybe Dr. Phil... wait, fuck, what am I thinking? Not Dr. Phil... okay... Not only that, it will give our client a younger image that will inevitably prolong his immortality for another 10 years or so. Look, if Katie Holmes will go for it, then Tom Cruise can LIVE FOREVER! Mmmwaahahahahahahaaaa....."

Seriously folks, that's how these twisted minds work. See, have you heard anything lately from the Brad and Angelina camp after the opening of Mr. and Mrs. Smith? No. But it sure as hell plastered their faces across the entire continent long enough for every single human eye to have seen them at least once... or have heard about it... The only safe souls that could have escaped such a wide swath of attack would be Arkansas or those enrolled in the Peace Corps. The movie failed to save the box office slump this summer. I often wonder if their 'love' would still be splattered across the airwaves and magazine covers if the movie had raised even more money for the box office?

Why are we still seeing all of this Tom and Katie shit? Hasn't Batman Begins opened? Yes... but it was never about Katie. It was always about Tom. Was K-Ho (funny... it worked for Jennifer Lopez... J-Lo) seen jumping and flailing about the Oprah couches? No, mostly because until Tom Cruise happened to fall "madly in love with her" most of the idiotic American Eye had no idea who the fuck Katie Holmes was... with the obvious exception that she was on Dawson's Creek (which I remembered after writing this little rant). Back to the point, we're still getting the 'Ol media flush because War of the Worlds hasn't hit theaters yet. However, they've scaled the mad-hot love affair back because the Money Men behind the studio behind the movie are starting to get creeped out... and that might be what the American public is feeling... and that might affect the movie turn out. God, we can't have that?! "How do we fix this problem?" they asked themselves... "Have them get married, so people will take them seriously... yeah, that's the ticket."

Anyone buying that ticket? I'm sure as hell not. However, I'll probably see the damn movie. Just please, for the love of God, please leave these f-ing relationships out of the public flood. Most of us don't give a shit... but I guess, for the rest of America, those that needs to be led around by the nose, it will sell the shit out of some magazines.